Dating Japanese women

In fact, it takes some patient when you are trying to date a woman from a different culture. I live in a fairly diverse part of California, so fortunately, I see different races everyday. Even within the US, there are some cultural differences between Asian Americans and African Americans.

If you are American and are interested in dating a Japanese woman, patience is the key! All men to want to progress rather quickly and I notice that it is more so in the U.S. American men seem to rush into having physical contact without spending enough time together or confirming the relationship status because these are fairly important for Japanese women.

If you are not Japanese, you are going to have to work a little harder to earn the Japanese woman’s trust. Japanese women tend to be cautious especially when it comes to foreigners and foreign men because they are not use to them. If you want to finally win your Japanese lady over and have a long-lasting relationship with her, there are some small steps that you have to take..and remember? Patience..Patience..and Patience!

I was very cautious about American men who were persistently pursuing me when I was in college because I hardly knew him and I always had this doubt that maybe he was looking for a girl to hook up with. In fact, many Japanese women want to make sure that you are not just looking for “sex”. I think many American women want a relationship so this may not be simply a cultural issue.

What not to do to the Japanese woman of interest:
1) Do not call her or text her everyday. Perhaps you should just send a text to see if she would respond. and try to exchange text a couple of times and ask if it was ok for you to call her and then call her.

2)Remember, Japanese women are usually very cautious and they are not usually used to foreign men. Don’t push too hard and just casually but politely ask if she was interested in meeting up with you for coffee. If she tells you that she was busy, you can try again..but if that happens a few more times, it is time to give up! Unfortunately, most Japanese women don’t really tell their honest feelings to the men because they do not offend their feelings. So at that point, you may just want to give up and find other opportunities.

3) This is my personal advice but do things that may impress her. Japanese men don’t do crap. LOL They do not open a card door for a woman, wouldn’t open a door for a woman, men often do not pay the tub and they have the nerve to ask for split check. So be a gentleman and do these things and it will surely impress her. But don’t overdo that though. Don’t show up at her work and give her a Bouquet of Red Roses..that may scare her off. If you really want to do that, I recommend doing that for special occasions.

4) Patience..patience..: As a western guy, you may want to hug, kiss quickly but remember that even hug isn’t part of Japanese culture so don’t hug your Japanese woman on your first date..maybe on your second date if she feels comfortable. I would say holding her hand should probably come first.

5) Here is the important part. In America, people go on a date and often kiss on the same day. If you click with your Japanese lady, you can do that but if she is a typical Japanese girl and is very shy, do not push her to do anything that may her uncomfortable because she may just decide not to date you. Usually Japanese woman want to clarify each other’s feelings before kissing let alone having sex with each other.

So these are very tricky unless you are familiar with the culture and it really depends on the girl. If she has dated another foreign man, I don’t think she would be as apprehensive as ones who have never dated foreigners.

Patience and take it slow…are my advices to you!

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  • DW

    A very interesting article, Yumi. I am an African American who lives in Japan, and at this point I am very frustrated and considering giving up on the idea of dating a Japanese woman. I was approached by one a little over a month ago at a work party. She seemed to be very interested in me, but since then she seems to be swaying between being interested/flirty, afraid of me, and avoiding me. I find it to be very frustrating, especially when she insists that we will hang out together “soon”. It’s been over a month already. And yet when I offered once to just leave her alone, she seemed to be confused.

    It really frustrates me, and she’s not the only Japanese woman who seems to like me but is uncomfortable around me. I’m not a big guy, so it’s not like I’m physically intimidating. I sometimes wonder if it’s because these women have never left Japan. Women who have spent time outside of Japan, don’t act like this towards me. But they’re all married, so I gain nothing from that…

    I really like this woman, and SHE was the one who approached ME, so I’m so frustrated and confused over whether I should just leave her alone or not. I give her special attention so that she knows that I’m interested in her. I would be willing to wait as long as it takes, but I don’t want to get my hopes up over a woman who may leave me hanging forever or will instead go to some aggressive guy while I was being patient with her.

    And it’s not like I’m trying to rush to have sex! For now I just want to be closer to her, spend more time with her…

    I know that you don’t have any answers, I kinda just wanted to vent. It may be hard for an American who is interested in a Japanese woman in America, but it is even harder for me, an American who is in Japan surrounded by Japanese women who won’t even give him a chance.