Extramarital affairs in Japan

affair in japan
There are many articles, which talk about sexless #Japanese couples. Based on Western standards, these couples are heading toward divorce but #Japanese married couples tend to stay together for the sake of their children and also to maintain their reputation. Divorce is becoming more common in #Japan, but it is still frowned upon and as Japan is a shame based culture, shame is often used to control people’s behaviors in the country. Another interesting fact is that Japanese men often see their wives with children differently. They are no longer as attractive sexually as they used to be before having a child. I am not sure if this is the case for married couples on other societies. I do suspect that it does get boring and married couples do need to overcome this in many societies.

Some of my #Japanese guy friends mentioned that they started to see their wives differently especially after having their first child. They are less attracted to their wives sexually. It is reported that Japanese married couples are more likely to have extramarital affairs than those in western societies and part of it is their religion. Japanese people don’t really practice religions even though they do practice buddhism as part of their culture. They don’t have the same level of guilt as westerners feel for having an affair.

This really explains why the website promoting extramarital affairs became so popular in #Japan recently. This online dating service is specifically for those who are looking to have extramarital affairs. They feel oppressed and stuck in their sexless marriage because of the social stigma on divorce and the Japanese sex industry is very big and Japanese people have more relaxed attitudes toward sex. It is reported that it might be because so many married men are sexually deprived and frustrated in their marriages.

It is true that middle-aged married men in #Japan often seek some type of sexual relations or at least vent that frustration by going to a hostess club and try to find a young hostess or going to prostitutions. So what do you think about Japanese people having extramarital affairs? Is it really culturally acceptable in Japanese society?

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  • Aura Argante

    Hi Yumi~ I always thought that this was a fascinating topic. When it’s that Japanese people have more relaxed attitude regarding sex, what exactly and specifically does that mean. Japanese people are said to also be the shyest of people as well, so being so shy and yet having a ultra relaxed attitude towards sex, something that involves the intimate sharing of their personal space, naked bodies in real physical contact is an oxymoron, don’t you think? To say that the sex industry is huge in Japan without really explaining why that might be so leads Westerner’s who haven’t taken the time to really consider anything about to Japan to think the people are just sex fiends and freakish.

    Why is sexless marriage happening in Japan in the first place, especially when Japan is so open towards sexuality? If Japanese people were without hang ups in regard to sex then the sex industry wouldn’t be so big or maybe it would; the sex industry in the U.S as you know having lived here many years now, is just as big. It’s everywhere in everything. Sex isn’t a hang up here, it’s part of life. Only the religious idiots of Christianity promotes how vile and dirty sex is and bla, bla, bla…and we live in a country that is founded on those Christian beliefs. However, it’s not stopped sex in any way, but that is a whole other type of conversation –it’s not just so cut and dry and simple is it? A very, very complex topic.

    So back to Japan, personally I think, as someone who while I’ve never been there personally and had the Japan experience on my own, but based on everything my Japanese friends tell me, what I’ve read and understand, that the reason the Sex industry is so big there is because the Japanese people are repressed people. Sex may not have the same hang-ups stemming from the same place that Westerner’s have, especially here in the U.S because Japan is not founded in Christianity, where the U.S basically was, or least fundamental principle anyway.

    So back to this so-called ‘relaxed attitude” about sex. Define exactly what you mean about ‘relaxed attitude’ and at the same time explain that if it’s so relaxed, why then are there sexless marriages happening in the first place? Do you mean to say that Japanese don’t look at sex as something sacred and meaningful as many Westerner’s do, shared between two people in a monogamous relationship as set up by the patriarchal religions of which the U.S was founded on? If so that doesn’t mean that Japan doesn’t have hang ups, it means it looks as sex as nothing to make a big deal about if someone does it, has it or has an affair, as it’s as normal as breathing, eating, living and dying. It’s part of life. If it is in this way that Japanese people have a more “relaxed attitude” regarding sex then OK, I can totally buy that. However, it does not mean in any way that Japanese people do not have hang ups about it. I think they have serious hang ups about it.

    People act out in different ways what they are unable to live out in their personal lives. Perhaps this is a huge cause for a booming sex industry that is so normal and natural for the people of Japan. What they can not live and carry on with at home, in their day to day life, they create fantasy sex shops and other kids to sell more of the same to fulfill that longing they naturally desire. We are sexual beings, created that way by nature so it’s normal to want it, to desire it and have it. So therefore, it would be nothing to Japanese to see a sex shop right on the same street corner as the local veggie and fish market.

    The question is, and remains the same, however, why have it in the first place and why have so many different types of shops like that IF everyone in Japan has a such a “relaxed attitude” towards it? For me personally, having not lived in or been exposed to Japanese culture first hand, admittedly, but based only on what I’ve learned from friends from Japan and everything I’ve read, I believe what I said previously has a lot to do with it. What people can not comfortably live out and experience in their own day to day life, they will create a way to act it out, through fantasy and other types of connections.

    Hence, an explosive sex industry where they can get their basic sexual needs met.

    I think that is the issue here, that definition of what that means exactly. If sex was such a non issue, more marriages would be having sex, and the recent articles you published about some male celebs having extramarital affairs with a hafu actress, “Becky” I believe it was, his marriage wouldn’t have ended in divorce.

    His wife didn’t like the idea of him screwing around on her, and humiliating her in public like that. I have some Japanese friends who tell me if their partner screwed around with anyone else they’d “kill them” (I don’t think they mean literally but hey, love and jealousy will cause you do to do crazy things. Japanese people, shy as they might be and with the ‘relaxed” sexual attitudes it’s said they have, in reality, they are not much different than we are in regards to sex.

    Not really at all.

    • MeH

      Yea, be happy. Everybody is as simple as you are: just to eat and have sex (-_-)