I wanted a normal Japanese mother

I feel really guilty writing this but as a child, I used to feel really embarrassed about my mother. She is from S.E. Asia and could have passed as Japanese, but her accents made it so obvious that she was not Japanese.

We lived in the countryside of Japan, and we were the only openly ethnically mixed family.

In America, who cares? Your parents are both Asians, so what is the problem?

But things are very different in Japan especially twenty years ago..

Not only that Japan is one of the most homogeneous societies in the world and even though my mother is Thai and I look very Japanese, people always tried to categorize me in certain ways.

This whole experience definitely imposed certain challenges.  Japanese people in my hometown back then were much more ignorant back then and teachers and my friends’ parents were afraid to ask how my mother met my Japanese father..because of the stereotype.

Back then and even today, many young women from South East Asian countries come to Japan hoping to make enough money to support their poor family back in their home countries. Unfortunately, many of these women are prostitutes.

Just to be clear, I have tremendous respect for these women. I’ve seen many of them. Some of them were tricked into it, but many of them were doing what they can to support their very poor family back home.

I’ve heard some horror stories about Yakuza running this type of prostitution involving south east asian women. They would take away their passport and by the time they arrive in Japan, they owe so much money to the Yakuza that they have to work until the “debt” will be paid off..if it really is going to be paid off.

Long story short, people around me in school, including my teachers were quick to assume that South East Asian women were in Japan to do business.

That is why I think my Japanese teacher was kind of reluctant to ask any personal questions to my mother out of fear, discomfort and no offense, but my mother is a very strong, no-nonsense kind of woman. She didn’t care what anybody in Japan thought of her.

So my mother was very different from any of my friends’ typical Japanese mothers. 

What made it so hard for me is that she didn’t care what people thought of her. She loves wearing tons of makeup, nice dresses, some of which were kind of inappropriate.

The interesting thing is that every time we have so called “parent, child-teacher” meeting at home, my mom loved talking about her background and how she had struggled in Japan while pursuing a nursing degree. I was sitting there thinking..I thought this meeting was about me and they are supposed to talk about my academic progress..oh well. I guess that was a good thing because I wasn’t particularly excelling in any subject. lol

My mom came to Japan with full-scholarship to get a nursing degree and ended up marrying my Japanese father. I am so proud of my mom for taking the plunge to move to an unknown country and I can only imagine how difficult it was for her back then.

But, I still desperately wanted that cool beautiful Japanese mother who makes an awesome cute bento box! I adored that. My mother was still labeling my exercise clothing, books, “Yumi Nakata” rather than “Nakata Yumi”!! My mom is the kind of person who does her own things and as a child, I would tell her that was wrong..in Japan, you put the last name first!

My mom goes, “says who?”

Another thing is that my mom was so different from all my Japanese friends’ mothers. She was even more assertive back then. She was a no nonsense kind of woman so if she comes across a bullies in school, she doesn’t mind walking up there and tell them off.

It is a good thing but she was pretty assertive in every situation and I was really embarrassed about her and didn’t want her to come to school anymore!

That being said, my mom is pretty awesome. She taught me how important it is to pursue education, be more independent, assertive and everything else. I wouldn’t want anybody else as my mother today but back then, I wanted a normal Japanese mother..